The goddess will return to a more regular schedule once her finals are over, currently she is too insane to blog with sense at this point.

Thank you for your patience.

"I wanted to be like you
I wanted everything
So I tried to be like you
And I got swept away

I didn't know that it was so cold
And you needed someone to show you the way
So I took your hand and we figured out
That when the tide comes I'd take you away

If you want to I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted was somebody who cares

I'm sinking slowly
So hurry hold me
Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on
Please can you tell me
So I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone

If you want to I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted was somebody who cares

All you wanted was somebody who cares
If you need me you know I'll be there
Oh, yeah

If you want to I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted was somebody who cares

If you want to I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted was somebody who cares

Please can you tell me
So I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone

~Michelle Branch, "All You Wanted"

Can somebody please come save me?

Today I realized that I have truly crossed over. As I sat outside in the balmy 82ºF sunshine, clad in a spaghetti strap top and mini skirt, I realized that I had really crossed completely over for the first time. I have become one of the girls who goes to class in skirts and skimpy tops. Perhaps I haven't crossed over permanently, I know I'm not going to class like this everyday! But at the same time, I'm not wearing my typical tshirt (or maybe even decent looking other shirt) and jeans to class everyday anymore. I've moved one step further away from the engineering student I used to be. That's alright though, I don't want to be the engineering student I was before. In fact, I used to find it rather depressing that I felt like I had to dress down everyday or else be seen as one of the "wanna be" engineers. Those who existed without form or substance...and yet were smart enough to go through the motions. It feels nice to be able to actually dress pretty, or slutty, or comfortabe, or nice, or however else I want to dress once in a while.

I am tired. lol, What else is new though, right? Ah, that's all right, I don't mind.

Hmm, so last night I gave in and did one of those things that "good girls don't do". Ah, who am I kidding, I don't think I've really been a "good girl" by certain definations for quite a while. Anyway, so I let my friend talk me into taking some scantily clad pictures for my boyfriend's birthday. Yes, we did one of those things that boys love to fanticize about happening in a girls dorm. It was fun though, I really didn't think I'd be that comfortable getting sorta naked in front of a camera someone else was standing behind. But it really was fun...kinda like playing dress up when I was a little girl. And the pictures came out reletively well too. Of course they don't look like anyone "real" took them. All the angles are the same, the lighting isn't quite right, no setting or theme really to speak of...but at least I look decent in them. I wanted them to look a bit more artys (like Heather's pictures), and I would have liked to have a bit less of the "porn face", but still, they were better than I'd expected. Now of course, a little voice keeps whispering to me that I'm going to get in trouble now...that I made a mistake and I can't trust anyone and that somehow I'm going to end up in trouble for having done something bad. I'm telling that voice to shut up. I was very careful about what I did. Only two people have copies of these pictures, me and my boyfriend, and that's it. And this probably isn't something I'll do again really soon anyway. I think I'd like to have some really nice artsy pictures of me like that someday, but I want them to be done by a photographer I think is truly talented and that I can trust (I already have someone in mind :)). So for now, I think my modeling days are over, except for maybe if my partner is the one behind the camera...

As most of you know, I do volunteer work at a fabulous website called Scarleteen. At Scarleteen, we work hard to dispell the common sexual myths floating around out there. We give teens a resource to find out the real deal about body image, safer sex, and sexuality, among other topics. Our message boards provide a safe space for questions that teens don't feel comfortable asking anywhere else.

But the problem is that all this costs money. The founder, Heather Corinna, pays the bills right out of pocket most months because of a lack of donations. Scarleteen is "privately owned and volunteer-run" and there is no outside funding beyond donations and what Heather contributes. With more people visiting the site, and more teens asking questions every day, the costs of running the site continue to increase while the donations rarely do. For that reason, I'd like to appeal to anyone reading this. If you've ever been to Scarleteen, or if you've ever had a question about sex that you couldn't get an honest answer to, then please consider making a donation to Scarleteen. Scarleteen provides a very important service, something that no one else on the internet provides with such quality and honesty. Please, consider making a donation today.

Life has been insanely busy lately. Moreso than usual due to the impending doom that is finals. Doom, doom, doom doom, doom, doom doom doom, doom, doom, doom... Anyway, that's part of the reason for my lack of updates, the other reason is simple computer malfunction. Yesterday I downloaded the upgrade for my IE, and that seems to have solved at least a few of my glitches, but there may be a few left, I don't know. So here I am, working insanely hard to get everything done. Things get crazy when you're taking 18 hours worth of college courses. Now I know that this is something that people do every day, but that doesn't make it any less difficult. It still sucks.

I'm also missing my boy. For a while, we thought that he might be able to come out to see me this weekend, but that idea was vetoed when we realized he had class on Monday that he just couldn't miss. *sigh* For a few minutes there, I actually thought I might be able to see him, but that would have been too easy. So now I'm just hoping that maybe I can make it out to see him either in late July or very early August. Possibly, maybe...hopefully.

I'm back again. I think I may have to to reload my browser one of these days soon, because apparently it just doesn't like blogger (or a couple of other sites) very well at all. *sigh* Ah well, such is life.

I'm tired lately, I don't know why, but I am. Yoga last night truly nearly killed me, I swear. I was tired, and I had some things that I needed to get done, but at the same time I knew I needed to go to yoga. I think the only time my mind is truly quiet and focused is when I'm doing yoga, otherwise I'm constantly thinking about 50,000,000 things and multi-tasking out to wazoo. So having that time does give me a little bit of peace, which is nice.

Besides that, I spent all day being distracted, so to speak. I left my boy a answering machine message about that, and luckily he eventally called me (as he does ever night anyway). I don't know why, but I was just full of sexual frustration yesterday. That's alright though, we eventually took care of that as well as it can be taken care of when you're 600+ miles apart. Afterward there was a very nice long stretch of proverbial cuddling/pillow talk, which is always fabulous. I love those times because he just completely opens up to me then. I mean, he's always very open with me, but something about feeling relaxed and close like that just seems to bring out all the best things. We had a long talk about dating and proms and self-esteem in high school. It was all very interesting. I love talking to him, probably better than I like talking to anyone else I know. It truly is wonderful to be in love with your best friend.

Woo hoo! Apparently my computer has finally realized that the blogger site is not the origin of all evil in the universe and has decided to cooperate! I've been absent for a couple of days simply because I just could not get my blogger page to load up at all.

So now here I sit, waiting on the weekend to sadly come to an end. Although I did get some things done today. I switched out my summer clothes with my winter clothes so that I had some short sleeved things to wear as opposed to all those sweaters. The funny thing is that now that all the sweaters are gone from my closet, it looks positively naked. My closet is naked. I've actually got empty shelves! Perhaps I need to do some shopping to fill those shelves....

In other news, I braved the abyss and decided to take a trip to Kmart yesterday. I was down to just a few pudding cups and my Britta pitcher in my fridge, so I needed to go to the grocery store anyway. I was also desperately in need of razor blades and q-tips, so I thought I'd stop at Target and pick up those things. On the way out though, I noticed one of those guys who's getting paid to stand out by the side of the road with a sign that talks about the Kmart closing sale and gives the address...which was actually the Kmart directly across the parking lot from my grocery store. So I decided I'd just go to Kmart instead since the sign said that EVERYTHING was on sale. This seemed like a fabulous idea until I pulled into the parking lot. Everyone was at Kmart. And not only that, but it seemed like each and every single hick in the entire city had loaded up themselves, their 27 kids, and their entire extended family into the pickup truck and headed out to Kmart to look for bargins. It was positively frightening in there. On the positive side, I managed to get everything I'd gone in after, with the exception of Pepsi. All of the Pepsi/Coke products were gone. Otherwise I got what I needed. On a slightly amusing note, there was barely a condom to be found in the entire store. The entire contraceptive section consisted only of two boxes of Trojans, three boxes of contraceptive foam, and a couple of ovulation predictors. All the pregnancy tests were gone, all the lubricants were gone, and nearly all the condoms were gone. I did find that moderately encouraging. Perhaps if all the hillbillys were out, at least they bought all the condoms.

A guest labia-entry from Lex:

I love labia. I'm sorry to be graphic, but I love to suck on them. I mean, that may be me personally, but it's more fun than recieving oral pleasure for me. The labia, now matter what size or thickness, are the perfect addition to a women. I've seen them small and tight up against the body, which is sun to lick, and push inwards, whereas the ones that hang out are better to suck on. There are also fat ones, theat are nice to push back and forth, using my tongue to lick across, rather than up and down. But all labia are fantastic in their own way. I have not run across a pair that was displeasing. (The women sometimes are, but then, I never see theirs, but I'm sure that the labes are probably the best part of them, physically) When the labia are spread, the vagina looks both like a heart (the symbol, not the organ), and a butterfly, both very sweet and cute symbols. Regardless of the color, labia are nice, fun and exciting. To pull and tug on them, especially if they are long, is quite a thrill, plus, sucking them completely into my mouth is quite stimulating. A good labia tongue massage can take me hours to complete. Literally. They are THAT fun.

In relation to my own labia, I'd also like to mention that my partner was in no way bothered, freaked out, grossed out, disturbed, etc. In fact, he seemed rather thrilled that he was getting to see them at all. As I said earlier, I know quite well that I don't look like your typical airbrushed model or textbook image. But he thinks it's beautiful and enjoys being allowed to be near a part of me that is so special to me.

I'd also like to take this opportunity to thank everybody who's been supporting this little project of ours. The response has been amazing and heartening. Please continue to send me any links to blogs or diaries participating. :)

On this, the second day of the International Labia Blog-a-Thon, I'd like to talk a little more personally about my feelings concerning my own labia. All labia are beautiful, be they small or large, pink or purple, obvious or hidden. However, I must confess that I'm quite attached to my own. No, they don't look exactly like the ones I see on airbrushed models or in textbook drawings, but I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

My "labia list": soft, pink, purple, velvet, secret, personal, damp, wrinkle, arch, beautiful, mine, silk, dark, perfect, gentle, private, protect, special, individual.

labia - Plural for labium, derived from Latin, lip.

These days, plastic surgery is a staple of our society. Choose a bit or piece that you don't like, and you can go have it augumented, reduced, stapled, shaved, reshaped, or adjusted in nearly any way you'd like. Noses, stomaches, foreheads, cheeks (of both sorts), arms, legs...all can be nipped, tucked, tightened, loosened, or lifted within a matter of hours. And while I've always found this general dissatisfaction with one's body to be disturbing, it always seemed like there were some parts that were sacred. There had to be some bit of my body that no one would dare suggest needed tinkering. And yet apparently that's not the truth.

Somewhere along the line, girls/women today are getting the idea that all labia are supposed to look alike. They should look exactly like the women in the porn magazines and movies, and the drawings in the textbooks. Small, delicate inner labia in a light rose hue. All very neatly packaged and streamlined. Well, it's fabulous if you came with this as a standard factory feature, but many women didn't. In fact, I'd hazard a guess that most of us don't look exactly like that. And honestly we shouldn't have to. Just like the rest of our vulva, our labia belong to us. They are perfectly beautiful exactly the way they are. Women aren't like paper dolls, all our edges don't line up so that we fit perfectly into the mold. Our labia aren't cut from exactly the same pattern either, and they're not supposed to be. Labia are more like snowflakes, each is different from the next. This makes it that much more disturbing to hear girls wondering if their partners will think they are abnormal, or that their genitals are ugly. They ask about getting surgery or perhaps even cutting off their labia on their own.

Labia are beautiful. Not only that, but they are also very useful. My labia majora help to protect me, and my labia minora keep nasty bacteria away. I wouldn't want to be without them, or have them be any different than they are right now.

So, it's officially Tuesday, April 2, 2002, and it's the first day of the very first Labia Blog-a-Thon. So I thought I'd get started early.

Each time I read a post saying that someone thinks their labia are abnormal, and wonders if they need to have surgery, that does make me more than a little bit sad. I personally never doubted that mine were completely normal, it just didn't occur to me to do so. And apparently that makes me quite lucky. When I was growing up, I was always taught that all the parts of my body were beautiful. My earlobes have always been bigger than my sister's earlobes. But just because they were bigger, that did not mean that they were ugly, or abnormal. They were beautiful because they were mine. And they were also beautiful because they were different. We find beauty in the differences so many times, why can't there be beauty in the fact that not all labia are the same? They are beautiful because of what they are, because they are different, and also because they are attached to some very wonderful people.

****Important Announcement****

I have officially declared that Tuesday and Wednesday this week (April 2-3, 2002) to be International Labia Blog-a-Thon Days!

Why blog for labia? It seemed to me that it was time to take drastic measures in the battle for a more positive body image. Lately the boards at Scarleteen have seen a marked increase in the number of posts from girls who are afraid their labia are too big or too small and are afraid that no one will ever want them sexually or that they will frighten their partners. Some wonder if they need surgery, and still others ask if they can cut them off themselves. Labia are a normal part of the body, and are perfectly beautiful and useful the way they are. Clearly this is a problem and something needs to be done and now you can do your part.

Alright, so what do I do? Very simple. Just blog (or diary) for labia. You don't have to be graphic, you don't even have to talk about your own labia if you don't want to (or if you don't have them at all). Just write whatever you feel like writing. Then either email me or leave a note in my guestbook with the url for your entry and I'll link it up.

Help support us support a positive body image! Thanks and happy blogging!