Wednesday, February 27, 2002

This makes me sad. People don't get up to give their seat to a pregnant woman anymore. Is it so terribly difficult to get up out of your seat so that someone who needs to sit down can sit? Don't yell, don't be nasty...just be nice. Do something kind for someone else. So if you see a woman on the train, who's pregnant and has been standing for over an hour, then be a kind soul and let her have your seat. Please.

Tuesday, February 26, 2002

My random condom collection just keeps growing, ya know? Today a friend of mine was handing out condoms in front of the cafateria, and I stopped by to say hi to her. And ended up picking up two colored Durex condoms. I tossed them in the box with the other random (and some not so random) condoms and other things I'm not supposed to have. That's alright, you can never have too many condoms, ya know? If nothing else, they make terrific balloons or party favors. Maybe I should stick a couple in an envelope and leave them for L...nah, I think my other friends would know that it was me. However, it would be highly amusing to sit around and try to figure out how to slip her one. Only I might not want to leave finger prints on it, cause I actually think she might think to dust it or something. Hmm....interesting concept...

Anyway, I'm tired, I've got a shitload of stuff to do tonight, and I don't want to do any of it. It's cold outside and is actually snowing just a bit, and I've gotta go do my laundry tonight, which doesn't make me happy. Ah well, no rest for the wicked, and the righteous don't need any, right? Oh oh! I got back one of my tests today. I hadn't expected a good grade at all, and lo and behold, I got an 87! I mean, it could have been better, but I didn't study that much at all cause I had two tests that day, and it turned out that I thought I'd done better on the other one cause I'd spent way more time studying for it...I only got a 61 on that one. Ain't that just the way it goes sometimes?

I've also been having this urge lately to write a personal essay about body image. I mean, I'm feeling incredibly inspired in that particular area right now, like I really want to write something, but I simply don't have time. Maybe I'll get time sometime soon.

Sunday, February 24, 2002

*sigh* Can we please just skip next week? I wanna fast forward to next Friday (around 10pm or so, please). I want my boy back. Now, immediately, right this very second! I talked to my family again today, which went better than I'd expected. The only negative thing being that I think it hurts my dad's feelings that I don't call home much anymore, but I have to avoid mom sometimes in order to maintain my own sanity. I feel myself growing up that much more everyday, and unfortuantely, part of that is growing away from my family in some ways. Nobody said it would be easy, but that's ok. Not everything is meant to be easy. And sometimes you have to suck it up and take the more painful route because of where you'll end up when it's all said and done.

I'm also more than a bit worried about a net friend of mine. I've been spending quite a bit of time with her lately, and I understand what she's going through. I really wish I could do more for her.
I don't know how I feel today. It's very odd to just not really feel anything. I'm just kinda sitting here, doing nothing, feeling nothing. Just sitting here, sitting. I dunno what's up with that.

Friday, February 22, 2002

And I'd even survive a horror cool am I?

Would you survive a horror movie? Find out @ She's Crafty

"No psycho slayer is going to get between you and your right to life. You're an ass-kicker, a charge taker, and if need be, a monster masher. You're level-headed in sticky situations, you trust yout instincts, and you're not afraid to get a little dirty while getting the job done. Simply put, you rock! But don't get carried away. Even though your little brother might act like a creep sometimes, you definately shouldn't be driving stakes through his heart!"

Hehe, oh hell yeah!
These quizzes are too damn addictive!

Which Buff Girl Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

Thanks to Beppie for this one:

Which Sex and the City Player Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty
Aww...I'm Vern! How cute! :)

take the which one of the trading spaces cast are you? quiz!

Thursday, February 21, 2002

I don't know that I mentioned it in here earlier, but one of my kitties died earlier this month. It made me very sad. I do miss my kitty very much. She was a beautiful, happy, slightly psychotic kitty, and I loved her.

Wednesday, February 20, 2002

Wow, I feel alot better. It's amazing how a nap can help your outlook on life. Basically I was just overly exausted for some odd reason. I was a very sleepy girl this afternoon by the time I got home from work. And I'm missing my boy...and my computer is doing some very odd things right now.

Tuesday, February 19, 2002

So the weekend has come and gone...and so has my boyfriend. It was a fabulous weekend though. I had missed him so badly that it was so much of a relief to get to see him again, even if it was only for a very short time. It had been nearly three months since I'd seen him, and that's hard. Any time at all apart is hard, but the longer the time, the more difficult it is. It was absolutely wonderful to be with him again though. I've been so stressed about so many things lately, and it was so nice to just be able to take a weekend totally off to just spend with someone I love with all my heart.

I can't wait until I get to see him again (just a *few* more days!). :)

Friday, February 15, 2002

Ooo, yay yay yay! He is coming afterall! I'm so excited! I wanted him to come so badly...that was the first good thing that happened yesterday, when he told me he really was coming. After yesterday being such a sucky/unpleasant day, I needed something nice to happen. It was about time and I deserved something nice.

Why am I so tired all the time lately? I mean, really...I slept quite a bit last night (especially since I went to bed feeling so much better), it's only noon and I'm tired again already. I'm afraid that if Holley calls tonight wanting to go to dinner, I just might have to refuse...unless maybe Ellen's going too. I can't help it, I'm just feeling exausted at this point. Oh, and I think I'm gonna have to talk to my mom today

Thursday, February 14, 2002

So I've been doing better this evening. I've been trying very hard to be more positive since I got home from work today. I spent some quality time comiserating with Beppie, which made me feel quite a bit better. We formed the Non-Warzone-Well-Fed-Misery-Club©. I like that. Quite nice to be a part of something. Nice to know that I'm not the only one who has been occasionally having a hard time lately and wasn't having a particularly wonderful day. And nice to know that I'm not the only one who feels unhappy and then feels bad about being unhappy sometimes. So I'm not quite so upset now.

Also had dinner with a friend of mine and talked and hung out for a little bit, which helped too. I feel more positive, although I'm still not thrilled with the world. I really have a feeling that I won't be seeing my boy this weekend. I know he said he's going to try talking to his prof, but I just have this feeling (maybe I'm being paranoid) that he won't be able to come. Which is ok, it's just one of the hazards of this, but that doesn't mean I have to be happy about it. When I blogged earlier, I didn't mean to sound like I was complaining about the fact that he doesn't do romantic stuff. I'm afraid maybe that bit came out more passionately than I wanted it to. I mean, I'm a girl (sterotyping, I know), so I can't help but want spontaneous romantic stuff sometimes. I don't know, it just almost seems like we went straight from our first date to being those people who've been married for so many years that they don't celebrate anything anymore. Which is alright, there's nothing at all wrong with that, I love being that comfortable with him. And he does tell me he loves me everyday, so it's not like I really need other things to remind me of that...but at the same time, that very girly part of me sometimes wants ...

D'oh...I started writing this like an hour and a half ago and just got back to it now. The boyfriend of an aquaintence of mine wanted to come in and talk to me. How bizarre is this? I mean, he's my aquaintence too, but who really comes in and talks to you for over an hour while their girlfriend is asleep in the hallway outside (I didn't know she was out there or I'd have invited her in) at 9:00pm on Valentine's Day? I mean, it turns out that he's a decent guy when he's away from the other obnoxious guys that we all hang around with. The entire situation was just rather odd...and apparently he wants to come back and talk to me again someday. And he hugged me before he left. How very strange. I wasn't really initially sure about the hugging thing (as I'm in my pj's the entire time), in fact, I wasn't terribly sure about letting him into my room to talk (since I didn't know that his girlfriend was with him at all, and I was in my pj's, and I just don't really know him THAT well to be letting him in randomly at night when nobody else knows he's there, etc.). But overall, I'd say it went well. He turned out to be decent enough. Just an overall strange situation.

Anyway, I forget what I was talking about...lemme see. Oh yes, about my adorable boyfriend. Eh, I really don't feel like continuing the above begun discussion, just too much work, lol. Perhaps at a later date.
Today sucks...alot thus far. Nothing at all has gone right, and I just feel exausted and miserable inside right now. Isn't that terrible? It's Valentine's Day, I've got a fabulous partner (even if he is 10 hours away), and I'm just feeling completely down.

Yesterday wasn't so bad until I talked to my mom, which just totally stressed me out. So I was all upset and feeling anxious and depressed over that. Then I called my boy, looking for something to make me feel better. And at least I got to vent it all to him (which I feel bad about too, cause I worry that I'm doing to him the same thing that my mom does to me), and we only talked for like an hour or so before I think he just got tired of hearing me bitch and whine about things, so he decided that since we were both tired (I kept saying that I was tired...unfortunately I didn't make it clear enough that I was mostly just feeling complete emotional exaustion) we should just go to bed. Which wasn't really what I wanted, cause I was still anxious and just feeling terrible...but I didn't want to annoy him or anything, so I went along with it with a minimum amount of complaint. So we hung up, and I cried for a while (I guess I should stop feeling so damn sorry for myself, shouldn't I?). Oh yeah, and during that time we talked, he mentioned that his calc test had been moved to Monday (at the time it hadn't occured to him that that would be a problem, but then he was tired, so he did have an excuse). Which means that he probably won't be coming out this weekend.

I'm such a terrible whiner, aren't I? I really shouldn't be, and I know it. I can't help it though, I just feel awful today. And then last night when I finally went to sleep, I had the oddest dreams about being arrested for drugs when I really hadn't had any, but somehow they tested me and said that there was some there. And I went to prison. That wasn't a particularly happy dream. Then I woke up this morning and went to grab some breakfast before my psych class and of course I was running behind anyway, and when I got there they didn't have any of the biscuits with bacon, egg, and cheese...they just had chicken. I hate greasy fried chicken on a biscuit. But I was hungry, so I had one. Then in psych he forgot to turn the lights off while he was showing slides, so I ended up squinting to see the entire time, which gave me a headache. And everytime I walk outside there's huggy, snuggly people with flowers and stuff. Which is automatically more depressing because I'm just lonely right now. I miss Matt terribly, and I may have to wait to see him (ok, I know March isn't that long, but it's hard when you've been counting on it...which, I know, is just another hazard of an LDR, but it still sucks). And I miss all the sweet, romantic stuff...I mean, I know we don't really do that stuff anyway, cause it's not really his thing and I understand that and accept that as part of him. But I dunno, some days I just long for just some very occasional, random, sweet romantic stuff...especially on days like today. But then I'm whining again, aren't I?

I shouldn't whine, I should be happy. Like I said, I've got a fabulous partner who I love more than anything else in the whole world, and he loves me and tells me that everyday (maybe that's just my trade-off for the romantic stuff, I dunno). Everything will be just fine, I should just forget it.

Tuesday, February 12, 2002

Ack! Tired....exaustion....too much information in my head....arrrrr!

Sheesh, it's only Tuesday and I'm damn tired! That's what happens when you've got a paper due one day and two tests on the next day. It just nearly kills ya! And I've still got so much stuff I need to do! But sleep...I need sleep....

Saturday, February 09, 2002

Thank goodness for yoga, seriously. I can't tell you how glad I am that I started doing yoga. And I'd really have to recommend it to anybody looking to relieve stress and learn relaxation.

***Prerequisite disclaimer: Check with your doctor before starting something that physically intensive. Yoga isn't for everyone, and not everyone can do the positions to the same extents safely. So check with a professional, and if you're going to do it, take a class with an actual live instructor (as opposed to trying it with a book or video where there isn't someone there who can help you)***

Well, now that the disclaimer is out of the way...I'm totally in love with yoga. I can definately tell this is going to become a fast addiction for me. I haven't really been good about practicing it at home between classes thus far (but then I've also spent nearly two weeks being so sick that I practically couldn't get out of bed, so I think I have an excuse). But tonight I had to do something. I got more than a little pissed at my mother (for a reason I don't feel comfortable discussing here, I try not to air too much of my dirty laundry), and I was just so angry that I couldn't focus anymore. So I turned down the lights, turned on some music, and tossed down the yoga mat. I did half an hour worth of yoga (not as long or as intensive as I would have liked, but it was the best I could do in such a small space) and then another 15 minutes worth of meditation and relaxation.

And when I got done, I felt so much better. I can barely tell you how much better I felt. I got rid of most of the anger, and found my center again. I can look at the entire situation much more objectively now. Yeah, I'm still a bit angry, but it's not quite so consumingly bad now. I've found my calm again.

Yoga is good.

Friday, February 08, 2002

Ooo, I didn't mean to neglect my blog for so long! That's what happens when you get sick and stuff though, I guess.

But I'm not sick anymore, so that's good.

So, what is there to tell, really? Well, the other day was my one year anniversary with my lovely wonderful boyfriend. Can't believe it's been an entire year! We didn't really do anything to celebrate our anniversary since I'm here, and he's there, and that makes it difficult to do anything romantic/celebratory/together. But that's ok, and there's not much we can do about it right now anyway. So the other day made it an entire year, which I was, of course, thrilled about. Being with him is amazing and it makes me incredibly happy. It's good to be in love. :)