Tuesday, December 18, 2001

I've found my newest favorite song, Evan and Jaron Distance. Good song. I heard that today and really liked it. I can totally relate to that song.

At any rate, I apologize for my recent inability to put together a really coherent entry in here. Lately I've been under a huge amount of stress, which has translated itself into another nasty case of writer's block about things of any importance at all.

Oh shit, know what I just realized? I forgot to write a check to cash before my drivers liscence expired. Dammit! That sucks, cause that means I'm going home with exactly $4 in my pocket. Ugh, that is just so very not cool at all.

Monday, December 17, 2001

I'm such a bum, I swear. I went to bed after my last entry, and then accidentally hung up on my dad when he called to make sure I was ok. lol, Wasn't my fault entirely though, I kept hearing this ringing, and I just couldn't figure out where the sound was coming from. By the time I stumbled over to the phone, the machine had picked up, and since I haven't yet figured out how that works with this "new" answering machine of mine, I just picked up the phone, which apparently disconnected him. Anyway, he called back, and I think he was kinda worried that I might have "taken something to sleep on" since I sounded so out of it. So then I went back to bed, and didn't wake up until about half an hour ago. Then I ate a piece of pizza and a breadstick that I didn't really want or need. *sigh* Ah well, eh?
*whew* Your faithful heroine is back, and feel much better, I'm glad to report. It's amazing what a bad night of cafeteria food, and the company of a couple of (reletively normal) friends will do for a girl. After an hour worth of just laughing at entirely stupid things, I do feel very much revived. Not perfect, of course, but my plan to deny the fact that today happened seems to have come along quite well. Now I just need to take a nap, and that will finish fixing my day, right? Yep :)
I wrote a rather nice entry in here yesterday...blogger ate it. I shall recreate it at a later date.

So, this week's crisis has officially begun. I'm tired of being fucked by the whole world everytime I turn around. Why can't anything go along the way it should? Needless to say, my test today didn't go as well as it needed to. Of course, was I really expecting anything else? Nope, not really. Didn't matter how much I studied, the calculus gods once again tossed down a thunderbolt with a card that said "Ha, ha! We win again! Fuck you!" So tomorrow, or perhaps the next day, I shall employ myself in the task of abjectly begging for my grade. I've got basically no dignity left anyway, so I'm not above crying if it'll work. And then after the test, a meeting I had to have just didn't go well at all. And I was basically told that I'm pretty much screwed three ways from Sunday no matter what I do at this point. Great, wonderful...fucking peachy.

"I am having the best damn day of my life. Any moment now I am going to burst into song, Zip A Dee Doo Dah."(X-Files quote...remarkably appropriate, don't you think?)

Wednesday, December 12, 2001

*sneeze*

Oooo, I think I'm sick...

Tuesday, December 11, 2001

I have decided that from now on when I wake up feeling fabulous, I'm going to go right back to bed. Truly, I just can't understand how I wake up feeling so lovely on those rare occasions, and then the farther along I go during the day, the more things go straight to hell. And yet I still smile refuse to feel badly.

I woke up this morning feeling 'bright eyed, and bushy tailed' for the first time in quite a while now, and hopped right out of bed even though I didn't physically feel so good (I think I'm very slowly coming down with the flu). And then somehow things seem to have gone downhill from there. Breakfast was ok, but my coffee wasn't sitting in my stomach well at all. But I wasn't letting that get me down. I went to speech class to give my speech, which should have been highly amusing. However, it was severely disappointing. Don't get me wrong, the speech was probably the best one I've given, but just as I was getting up to go, the other guy who had to go today ran in and grabbed the podium and went before me. His speech was about Jack Daniels...he told amusing stories and let one of the (of legal drinking age) guys do a taste test. Hair removal just can't compete with that. *sigh* At least we were out early though, right? Came back here and had a lovely conversation with the girls, then went to my women's studies class. Got back my 5 page paper. Apparently the professor wasn't feeling so nice when she graded mine...she gave me a 75 and wrote me half a page about how badly developed my paper was and how poorly structured it was. I didn't think it was a bad paper at all, but apparently she did. This means that I really am gonna have to schedule in more study time for this than I'd imagined since I'm gonna need an extremely high grade on the final to counter-act that 75. That sucks, alot. I don't have the time to devote to that. I guess I'm gonna be making the time, huh? But hey, at least we were out of that class early too. And I made it to lunch in time to get that burrito I've been craving for the last two weeks but have never been willing to stand in line to obtain! Then I came back here to eat it and discovered that I could only consume half of it. *sigh* Amazing how shitty my days can truly be.

Oh, and did I mention that I have a huge bruise on my leg from where I fell over onto my trash can yesterday? Yep, I got out of bed in the morning, walked over to the dresser and completely lost my balance for no reason. Dropped just like a rock, taking out the trash can with my leg, and nearly toppling the nightstand with me. So now a lovely huge purple bruise has developed...not that you can see it since I haven't shaved my legs in like three weeks now, lol.

But I'm still feeling ok.

Monday, December 10, 2001

Well that was entirely disappointing. I went to my first real therapy session, and I really don't feel like anything happened. Maybe I'm expecting too much, I don't know. I found that the woman almost annoyed me. I think that the only thing I even came away from it with was the fact that it's ok to be afraid of being poor. That's about it. Oh, and the fact that one shouldn't say one sometimes feels like shooting the individuals one works for. Apparently if you're talking to your therapist, they take such an off-handed statement with a great deal more seriousness than it's intended. I certainly didn't mean I was going to do any such thing...the idea of me doing something like that is entirely absurd.

I dunno, I just felt like something was supposed to happen, you know? Like she was at least supposed to make some sort of suggestion, rather than feeding my own self doubt. But maybe that's what it's supposed to be about. Oh, and I was rather annoyed that she seemed to think that my problems were mostly my parents fault. Now I know that my parents have something to do with my issues, but it's not their fault that I've got issues.

I don't know, maybe this is what the point of therapy is...*sigh*

Sunday, December 09, 2001

I've already decided on my New Years resolution. I'm going to start working out again. Not so much because I'm worried about gaining weight or whatever...but because I've ceased to feel healthy. I don't feel like I've been doing enough lately and I think that makes me feel unhealthy. I think more than feeling "fat", I'm feeling slow. Like my whole body is just moving in slow motion all the time. So I shall be hauling my butt back over to the gym, finally. And I'll hate myself the first time I get back on the bike and discover I can only do 5 minutes without breathing hard. But I'm going to do it! I am...at least twice a week!
I just had the strangest dream. I took a nap a few minutes ago, and had this odd dream about my Christmas frog. Actually, I dreamed about sending my boyfriend a Christmas frog almost exactly like mine. And there was something about going to a fair of some sort. It was very odd.

I probably had that dream because I finally, after many weeks of deliberation and work, finished shopping for my boyfriend's Christmas present. And got it all packaged up and ready to go. Too bad I can't tell ya what I got for him, but he reads this, so then he'd know what he was getting...and that would take all the fun out of it! But I think it's spiffy, and that he'll like it. At least I hope he will...now I shall just have to wait nervously to see what he thinks...

Friday, December 07, 2001

I really should do something right now. Really, I should be accomplishing something. But ya know what? I really don't feel like it. I feel very lazy. I shouldn't feel so lazy...I could be accomplishing something...I could go shopping, or I could go to the gym, or go do my laundry. But I'm just not really seeing that happening today. Nope, pretty much not. I guess I'll do all that stuff (except the gym thing probably, even thought that should be at the top of the list of stuff I need to do) tomorrow.

Oooo, I should go print out more coupons....

Wednesday, December 05, 2001

When I hear you stop and laugh out loud
When you're fallin' fast asleep
When you're in the middle of a crowd
When you're lyin' close to me
When I hear you softly say my name
When you're high and when you're low
When you don't need me to explain
'Cause you already know
When you smile that way
I know, every night and day

That's when I love you, when I need you
When I care about you
That's when I know without a doubt
That I can't live without you
Everyday I find another reason
Every season we go through
And every little thing you do
That's when I love you

When you're drivin' in your car
When you dance and sing to the radio
When you're walkin' underneath the stars
Anywhere and everywhere you go
When you're dressed up or you're dressed down
When you're talkin' on the phone
With a million people all around
Or when you're all alone
When you're near, or you're far
You're in my heart no matter where you are

That's when I love you, when I need you
When I care about you
That's when I know without a doubt
That I can't live without you
Everyday I find another reason
Every season we go through
And every little thing you do
That's when I love you

When you smile that way
I know, every night and day...


That's When I Love You, Phil Vassar

Monday, December 03, 2001

Latest searches that have brought people to my blog:
    * woman shouldn't be allowed to fight in the frontline
    * Long John Silvers shrimp puppet
    * kitten
    * Israel adult girl fuck
    * Long John Silvers shrimp commercial
    * Long John Silvers tv commercial shrimp
    * Israel adult girl fuck
    (again)
    * Israel young fucking
    * should women fight and die in military
    * very young children fucking daddy
    (Ack, I checked that one, my blog comes up first!)
    * military women shouldn't be allowed to fight in combat

Anybody else here noticing a couple of trends?

Sunday, December 02, 2001

Have I ever mentioned how much I like hot chocolate? Well, I do. Now of course, I like it much better when it stays hot (the way it never seems to do in my mugs), but I won't go into that. At any rate, I'm a big fan of hot chocolate. I like it even better when it's flavored. Currently, I've just finished off a cup of chocolate & mint flavored variety. Now that doesn't taste nearly as good as it does when you can make your own flavored kind. Which is just another reason that I love the Christmas season so much...candy canes! Candy canes make the best cocoa flavoring. I'm partial to peppermint, spearmint (or winter green), and cinnamon. One candy cane will flavor two cups of cocoa if it's broken in half.

And thus I'll admit to you my little secret. I hoard candy canes during and after the holidays. If we hang them on the tree at home, I'll routinely steal them in spots where they're less likely to be noticed. And as soon as the season is over and all the Christmas items are clearenced, I buy as many boxes as I can manage and store them to be used during the rest of the year. :)