Tuesday, May 29, 2001

As long as I'm making a wishlist (ie. answering machine from yesterday), I have a few more things to add to the list.

*A new dishwasher (ours died yesterday...poured out water all over the floor, big mess!
*Anything from the Victoria's Secret Catalog basically...More specifically, I'd like this, this, this...oh and that's just a small part of my wishlist from there. *sigh* I just can't resist that semi-annual sale and clearence. It's just callling to me. I can't wait, I simply can't wait... :)
So, today was the big family get together thing. It was disappointingly uneventful. I was really hoping for some real fur fly, but that just wasn't in the cards apparently. Ah well, ya can't win them all, right? I was really looking forward to causing some trouble, but everyone behaved, so I didn't get to cause any trouble. Highly disappointing. On the positive side, my cousin didn't end up bringing her boyfriend. Oddly enough though, everyone asked her about her boyfriend, asked my sister about her love life, but didn't say a word to me about whether or not I was seeing anyone at all. I think they've given up on me. Ah well, I didn't particularly care.

Would anyone like to send me an answering machine? I swear, I'm getting so annoyed at not having one, and I just can't buy a new one right now. Damn lightening...frying my answering machine!

Saturday, May 26, 2001

I have returned again. Took me a while, but my blog appears to actually be back online again finally. So anyway, not much has been happening lately. I've been working, that's really about it. Unfortunately that means I've been neglecting my advocate duties at Scarleteen, but hopefully that won't be a problem anymore. Not much else to tell about at the moment...

Wednesday, May 23, 2001

Can someone explain to me the point of decaf coffee and powdered, non-dairy creamer? I can deal with the powdered creamer if it's flavored, but the plain kind...I just see no point whatsoever. This morning, I was forced to skip my normal cup of coffee in favor of a cup of decaf because there wasn't any regular in the coffee pot at work for like an hour and a half. So, instead of real coffee, I drank what I consider to be brown water with 6 packets of sugar and a spoonful of tastless, powdered, non-dairy creamer. It wasn't helpful at all.

Sunday, May 20, 2001

*hugs* to everyone who listened to me and signed the guestbook! :)

Anyway, so I start my new job tomorrow. I don't know if I'm looking forward to it or not. I can really use the money, and the work doesn't sound that bad either. We'll just have to see how it goes though. I actually am not all that worried about it, I think mom's more nervous than I am.

Oh, and in other news, today was a red letter day at our house. Mark it down people, today is the first day since I came home from college that there was no mention whatsoever of my boyfriend by my family. I was really quite suprised, but no one brought it up. Go figure!

Saturday, May 19, 2001

Hey, to everybody reading this and not signing the guestbook...sign the guestbook! Yeah, that little link down there that says for you to 'Leave a Message'...well I'm not kidding, I really want you to leave a message! I can see you out there, I know you're reading. Leave me a message, you know you want to... :)

Thursday, May 17, 2001

I really must get better at writing in here. Really. I'm not doing well at all, and this entry won't be extremely wonderful either. Cause I just am not feeling like writing alot in here right now. I'll write a good entry tomorrow. :)

Tuesday, May 15, 2001

Entry written 6:15 pm, Monday, May 14, 2001

"Life is the process of walking the path, not arriving at the destination." ~Libby Romfh
The restatement of something I've heard so many times before. 'Life is a journey, not a destination' I read it just a few minutes ago as I sat waiting for the plane to take off. It struck me as being very true right now. Maybe not anymore true than it's always been, maybe just simply seeming to apply much more as I sit here moving farther away from him with every passing second. I cried again when I left. Not too much, but a few quite tears running down my cheek. I know that I'm leaving a part of my heart behind with him. I also know that it's a part of me he's had for quite a while now. And I know that we do have to be apart right now, that there are other things in both our lifes that have to take the priority. But I'm also thankful for every second of that four days. I don't regret anything that happened, I don't regret how much this hit my checkbook, or the hassle I got/am going to get from my family. I'd do it all again in a second, no thought required at all. Back to that origional statement though, this really is about the path, not where we end up (or whether we're apart or together when we get there. Each step away from him this time is one step closer to the next time I see him. And in the mean time, I'll work twice as hard to keep myself busy, to get that much closer to the next step along my journey, along our path. The time apart is a portion of that journey too, it's about patience and trust and learning about ourselves and each other. About grouwing up a little bit more on our own and together at the same time. (Wow, I'm feeling pretty philosophical right now) I've realized alot of things lately. And I also know that I've grown up in alot of ways recently. I feel older, more mature, more ready for wherever it is that I'm going. So we will keep going along the way we have been. Missing eachother terribly, but loving the way we can at least talk everyday. So like I said, it's about how we get wherever we're going and what we learn along the way. Of course that doesn't mean it's going to be easy. Some days are going to be better than others. And I know that for the next couple of weeks, my heart is going to break every morning when I wake up without his arms around me, and I'm going to automatically reach for his hand when I'm out walking around, and I'm going to be just a little bit sad everytime I see people kissing. But I'll also be happy for our having had this time together, and I'll be looking forward to the next time we can be together. Being able to spend the past few days inside his everyday life has been amazing. I love being there on a daily basis and actuall feeling like we're a "normal" couple. It's an incredible feeling for me, the ability to be and feel like that. I know that I'm only 20, much younger than my mom was when she met dad, but I do know how it feels to be lonely. I also know that I was just fine before I met him, and that I'd eventually be fine of my own without him again. That doesn't mean that I want to try though. I love him and he makes me happy.

I had an amazing trip. :)

Tuesday, May 08, 2001

I cannot lie to my hairdresser. I came to that conclusion earlier this morning. It's funny how hairdressers are like that sometimes. I went in this morning and the first thing she says is 'spill it!' Pretending ignorance just wasn't going to work, and that was ok, cause I wanted to talk to her anyway. So anyway, she wanted all the details...first kiss, did it feel natural, how were we dealing with the seperation...the whole nine yards. So I'm giving her the very edited version of what happened, and she looks at me and says "So he stayed with you didn't he?" And I just had to tell her the truth, but what was even better was when she asked what we did and I gave her the standard answer I generally give now, she says "So in other words, you stayed in and made out alot, right?" I about died laughing! It was just too funny. I'm not at all worried about her knowing about what really happened though, she's been in my position (sorta) before, and she knows the risks. It was just too funny cause before I left she says, "Have a good time this weekend, but be careful. I know you know that already, but I have to say it anyway." I just love my hairdresser, she's so cute.

In other news, I felt very mature and responsible yesterday. I did a little condom shopping on my own, and then Matt and I had a discussion about it. Very responsible, aren't you proud? :)

Monday, May 07, 2001

I haven't been very good about updating this on a regular basis so far, but I shall get better! Today wasn't an exciting day at all. Slept till about 10am, got up and emailed Matt, then drove mom around town. That was basically all I did today. Mom wanted to go to the fabric store to get more fabric for these quilts we're apparently making. I know nothing about quilting, but I guess I'm going to learn whether I like it or not. See, I told mom that I wanted to learn a little something about sewing. The idea behind this was so that I could make halloween costumes, but mom apparently thinks that therefore I want to know how to make quilts too. Ah well, I shall go along with it because it is for a good cause, and because I've signed away my soul (figure of speech of course) so I can take this little vacation.

Saturday, May 05, 2001

Yay, my computer is back up and working again! Well technically it was on last night too, but I just didn't feel like writing. And really I'm not sure I have much to say tonight either. I had a really good day today though. I went skeet shooting with my dad, and then went to lunch with my best friend, and then napped. I think the nicest thing about being home is being able to drive around. Especially when I can open the windows, turn up the radio, and drive fast. There is just something about doing that...it just makes me feel powerful and in control and rather sexy. Just something about it...

Thursday, May 03, 2001

Have I mentioned how much I dislike packing? Well I do, I really really dislike packing. The entire idea is just...bleh. I really want to have time to sit down and write a real diary entry, but I simply don't have the time. Back to work...
Alright, I think perhaps I need an entry here to explain all this. I am the KittenGoddess, as I've already mentioned. And this shall be the world's little window into my mind. I have many thoughts, some of them are more intelligent than others, but I'm going to put them in here and you can make your own decision. I promise to try not to talk too much about any one subject (ie. my boyfriend), but I can't promise that I'll actually succeed. Anyway, enough of this for now, time for a shower and then packing!
Well that went well! Introduced my boyfriend to Dan and Caro, went quite well. Everyone was friendly, and we had a lovely chat. I do love it when things work out well.

Wednesday, May 02, 2001

I appologize for my French ahead of time...

Fuck my calc professor! Really...really really really. Nasty little bastard gave me a D-...all I wanted was a C- so that it wouldn't make my GPA worse than it is, and so I wouldn't have to take this again. But no, can't do that...gotta give me a D-! *screams and tears my hair out*
Today is a lovely day really. I feel so much less stressed than I have in a very very long time. I went to bed happy, had lovely dreams, and woke up happy. I know it's 11am and I'm still sitting here in my pjs and listening to Dave Matthews sing "Crash" and thinking happy thoughts. *sigh* I just feel like maybe everything really is going to be ok for a while now.

My mom IM'd me last night while I was on the phone with my boyfriend. Even though I told her that I was on the phone, she still wanted to talk to me on IM for like 20 minutes. And then she asked me if I wanted her to call me. Hello? I was on the phone, that just wouldn't work at all. *Note to self: Next time put up away message on IM that says I'm on the phone!* Ah well, anyway...I should probably go take a quick shower and then get on with the day.
Have I mentioned lately how much I love my boyfriend? Well I do, I love him lots. We spent 3 hours on the phone tonight, it was simply lovely. I miss him so much even though I know that right now we just can't really be together. And that's ok, I'm pretty sure I'm allowed to miss him. Tonight all I'd really like is to be able to fall asleep with his arms wrapped around me and his breath on the back of my neck. I'll be the first to admit that I'm completely addicted to that feeling now. Right now though, I just feel all warm and content inside. I get that way sometimes after we talk. All that stress I was feeling is gone away for a while now, and I just feel very relaxed and rather sleepy.

Tuesday, May 01, 2001

Ah yes, so I assume you've noticed the colorful changes to the kittenblog. I need to figure out how to change the link color in that table on the side, but I don't have it just right yet. I shall have to work on it more later. And I want a sitemeter and guestbook too! So maybe I'll work on that tonight. But for right now, I'm off to go shopping for cardboard boxes and normal items which have multiple purposes. Hehe...